His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
