Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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