yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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