everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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