we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
