just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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