margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
