too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
