I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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