census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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