we have pet lesbian snakes
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
