my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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