I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Also, beer. Big fan.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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