he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
