Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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