His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
