I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
