idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just had sex on a roof
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
