Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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