I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
