what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
