i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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