In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
