I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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