You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
