I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
