Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
