Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
