quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
