Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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