If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
