He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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