I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
