i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
