If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
