It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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