You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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