Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
