I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
smell my finger.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
