Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
