It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
