At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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