Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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