Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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