I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
