When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
