I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
