he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
