when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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