I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Where is the hickey?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
