I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
