the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
